Homework = Tears? What's the upstream problem?

 

Tell me if you've heard this one before...

          Parent and child at the table working on child's homework. 
          Child becomes frustrated and begins to cry
          Parent becomes equally (or more) frustrated by the tears/the                      assignment/both. 

        Sound familiar? 
      
  It's pretty common, but let's ask a new question - what's the upstream problem?  

Not familiar with the idea of "upstream problems"? It was new to me until very recently - but the best description I've heard is this: 

There's a town in which every evening a child washes up on the banks of the local river. Every day the fire department rescues the child and is lauded as heroes. 
One day a new fire chief takes over. After a week, he throws up his hands and just as the child washes up, he hops in, saves the child, but doesn't stay for the celebration. Instead he marches upstream. 
When he's questioned on his way out of town he responds, "Why keep saving kids if I can figure out who's throwing them in upstream?"

If homework (or virtual schooling) is causing tears in your house on a regular (or even sporadic) basis, ask yourself, "What's the upstream problem?"

The answer will vary based on the age of your child, but here's a quick list of questions you could ask yourself when dealing with the homework meltdown.

*Early grade elementary - has your child had a chance to be outside, be wild, be a kid yet today? Have they had something to eat recently? 

*Late grade elementary - has your child been sitting in the same place for a long time - can you find a change of scenery? Has your child felt some academic/school success recently - can you find a way for them to feel that? 

*Middle and High school - has your child been working on the same problem for longer than their age in minutes? Have they had some significant "unconscious think time" on the problem or task? 

For any grade, check out these suggestions for easing the homework stress: